Project: Riku's a Girly Man
by riku's mom thinks i'm cool
Summary: Riku for once succeeds in stealing Kairi's heart. Sora and Roxas plan to expose Riku's girly disposition!
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a retard named Roxas who liked punk rock. He wasn't really retarded but he was a punk. His alter ego name is Sora who is the exact opposite of Roxas: responsible, polite, caring…well you get the point. Anyway, they have a common enemy though his name is Riku. He always tries to steal Kairi from Sora and both Sora and Roxas try to stop him and always succeed until today.

Today started seemingly normal: Sora and Roxas laughing at Riku's uhhhhhh… "sick" dance moves but today Riku got mad because he finally figured out that they were not laughing at how awesome he was. So he decided to tell Kairi how mean Sora was being to steal Kairi from him and maybe get a hug in the process. _Sweet, _he thought as he walked over to her. Meanwhile, Sora was licking his sea salt ice cream viciously.

After a few minutes he heard Kairi calling his name so he rushed to her side while chewing the crap out of a breath mint. "Hiya Kairi, what's up?" Sora asked, still chewing the crap out of that breath mint. "I was wondering," Kairi stopped. "Yeeaah?" Sora said as he gestured for her to go on. "I was wondering how you could be so mean to Riku!?" Kairi said. "Huh?" Sora replied feeling confused.

"Riku said you and Roxas were laughing at him." Kairi told him. "Yeeeah funny story about that-" Sora was cut off by Kairi. "Anyway I can't go to Taco Bell with you tonight because I told Riku I'd get ice cream with him tonight after he told me how mean you were… well see ya!" Kairi explained." NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sora screamed he turned to Kairi "This might take a few minutes…NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sora screamed again. "I think I'm done." Sora told Kairi.

Later, Sora and Roxas sat in Sora's room and discussed plans to get back Kairi. "Hhhhmmmm…uh we could…we could shoot him or we could……. I got nothing. How 'bout you, Sora?" Roxas thought out loud. "Well, we could make him scared then he would act like the girly man he is!" Sora suggested and they both agreed they would make Riku expose how girly he was one way or another. the next day was when operation Riku's a girly man began.

Sora and Roxas would make Riku laugh a girl while he was on a date with Kairi. They were eating lunch at the Destiny Islands McSora's and since it was Sora's restaurant there was a secret underground passage under every booth. Well, Riku is obviously a dumbass so he doesn't wear shoes. Sora and Roxas were planning to tickle Riku's feet with a feather so he will laugh like a little girl in front of Kairi.

Roxas and Sora crept through the tunnel listening to Riku show off. "I'm sorry I'm late but I was just pumping iron today, and I lifted 5000 pounds with my pinkie!!!!" Riku said obviously impressing Kairi with his lies. Roxas lifted the feather but noticed that Riku's feet were in the air like he stabbed Botox in his legs. Wait no…now Riku was playing footsies with Kairi. Sora pulled out his Keyblade and jabbed Riku in the leg.

"$#$$$#!!!!" Riku screamed with rage. "Ohhhh, crap." Sora said as Riku noticed them in the tunnel below. "Hey look, Kairi," said Riku. "There's magical leprechauns under the floorboards!" When Kairi looked down, there was nothing there. Kairi thought he was crazy.

STAGE ONE OF OPERATION: RIKU'S A GIRLY MAN COMPLETE.


	2. Chapter 2

STAGE 2

With stage one complete sora and roxas were able to plan stage two. "well Sora thought "Kairi already thinks Riku's crazy but she still thinks he's strong and tough." sora explained to roxas. "well i got a plan but it's kinda risky" roxas said timidly. " welllllll roxas keep talking" sora said getting irritated. " we could fake a robbery and take kairi as a hostage" roxas said. "wait roxas we need a weapon" sora thought. " hellllooo we have two keyblades what are you f#$&# stupid" roxas screamed with rage. " no roxas" sora explained "we need a weapon that's inconspicuous so we cant be recognized" " we can always ask cloud he said he wanted to find his light so he's selling all his weed and guns, he said he doesn't do drugs anymore." roxas said. so sora and roxas went to go see cloud. "Hey cloud." sora yelled. cloud stepped out from a dark alley. "this way " he said. sora gestured for roxas to stay back before he walked into the dark alley. "you here for some weed?" cloud asked. "uhhhh no i need a gun" sora explained to the drunken drug dealer they knew as cloud. "oh then come this way" cloud said. sora followed. they entered a room full of guns. hundreds thousands even.

sora picked up a very large gun. " i like this one" sora said very wide eyed. "well that will be 300,000 munny" cloud said handing sora the receipt. "what!!" sora screamed. "shhhhhh the cops are on to me" cloud whispered. " the only thing i own that worth that much is mc Sora's" sora said " that will do" cloud said. so mc Sora's was officially mc clouds now. the plan was all set.

Riku was at his house when sora and roxas planed stage two. Riku told kairi that he was working out when he was really sitting on the couch eating potato chips. He was watching his favorite soap opera when he heard the kairi was in trouble. He ran outside and to the bank. There was to retards wearing pillowcases on there heads. One was holding a very large gun and the other was holding kairi as if he was hugging her. Most people would know that that was sora but not Riku. roxas walked toward Riku and said "put the money in the bag punk." Riku screamed like a girl and ran away. Kairi was shocked. After that the duo left the building. that was only part one of the of the plan. They thought that Riku still had a chance to impress Kairi but they had no ideas. "Hmmmmmm…" roxas said while pacing. Sora was reading a book. "

**S**ora awoke on the shores of Destiny Islands. He had been having the nightmare again. Kairi…Donald…Goofy…Riku. He pushed his worries aside; what had happened in his nightmare couldn't be real. It would never be real. His deep thinking was broken by Kairi's voice. "Sora, I'm gonna head out. I'll see you tomorrow okay?" Sora turned gazing at her, her short pink skirt tight around her thighs. "Sora!" She called, her reddish-brown hair flowing in the soft breeze. "I'll be there in a minute!" He returned, staring out to sea. He squinted; there was something bobbing in the water. A bottle, maybe? "_Sora_!" Kairi persisted, as she got in her boat. Sora turned and ran in the direction of Kairi's voice. He would soon find out that was the biggest mistake he would ever make.---- sora was cut off as the book was thrown across the room by roxas" stop reading that friggen book sora!!" roxas screamed at the top of his lungs.


End file.
